Canceling 2020

Is anyone else with me? Can we just go back to 2019 and stay there forever? Except still move forward with the exciting parts of our lives...like getting married, starting a family, going on vacations, etc.? If God wanted to make that happen, I'd be totally fine with it.

As I've expressed many times, I am a worrier. I worry about very unnecessary things. Things that normal (lol) people, like Clint, wouldn't think twice about. Initially, Covid-19 didn't really bother me. I was still working in the office 2-3 weeks after everyone else had been sent home, which I found annoying, but it wasn't like I was necessarily worried for my health or safety. I just wanted to experience working from the couch like everyone else. I wanted to cuddle with my pups while answering emails and running spreadsheets; the introvert in me was very jealous of my coworkers.

And then, about 2-3 weeks AFTER finally being sent home, it hit me. And I broke down in tears. I went into Clint's little home office in one of our spare bedrooms, sat down on the bed that was still in there, and let it out. I just didn't understand how all of this could be happening. People were losing their lives from something that never should've started in the first place. People were losing their jobs and livelihoods from this very same thing. A virus. A virus that, as we have now learned, has a WIDE array of symptoms. So wide, and potentially minuscule, that you could never even know you had it. But you could also die from it. And very quickly. And horribly; without any loved ones allowed at your side.

That is heart-breaking to me.

And as I'm writing this over my lunch break at work, I'm wearing a mask. We are all wearing masks. Constantly. How bizarre is that? Every time I really sit back and think about how much our lives have changed in just a few months, I'm blown away. Like...this can't be true, can it? This is actually just a really long nightmare that we're all going to wake up from and laugh about how silly it was...right?

This coming Saturday I'm going dress shopping with my mom and sisters. We'll have to wear masks. While wedding dress shopping. It's probable that the first time I see myself in MY wedding dress, I'll be wearing a mask. What????

I just found out today that the Big 10 has canceled their 2020 football season. More conferences are likely to follow. What am I going to do without football?!

I'm hearing stories of coworkers' children going off to college but it's likely that they'll be sent back home within a couple of weeks. Think about how detrimental that is to the growth of the next generation. College isn't just about the education; it's about the life-changing experiences. It's about learning to be on your own; learning what makes you, YOU out from underneath your parents' roof.

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Those are just a few of the things that have been swirling through my mind lately. Covid-19 has had a much broader impact than just those few things. Our world as we know it is spinning into chaos and I'm not sure anyone knows how to stop it. We can't trust the media and we can't trust the government. So what does that leave us with? I'm not really sure, outside of cold, hard, science. Which is reported by the media, so basically we're screwed. ;)

Out of selfishness, as a bride getting married in less than a year, I hope, somehow, scientists, politicians, pharma, etc. can come together to discover a solution real quick. And stop sending the people through a whirlwind of misinformation.

In the meantime, I'd prefer if I could just go back to this place of serenity:

If I didn't think I'd die within a week of trying to survive in the wild, this is where I'd go. But, since I think it's likely I'd get eaten by SOMETHING, I'll just hold onto prayer and letting my feelings out via this blog. Thanks for listening. And know that if you're worried too, you're not alone.

This is a weird, F'd up time. But I think, if we link arms, we can get through it, together.

XOXO,

Unapologetically Blog

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A place to be #unapologeticallyme